How long does it take to come to terms with my father’s death? Some are suprised I am still missing my Dad. I have heard time is a healer and it won’t go away. From experience I think it is the latter. I will never be the person I was before his death. My father’s death has left a big hole in my heart. There is risk of sounding melodramatic but honestly I feel there is a deep wound which is still bleeding.
I don’t want to ever get over my father’s death. He was such an important part of my life and he still is. I have recently come back from a holiday of a life time yet I still feel joyless and empty. This month I will have to endure my second father’s day without him.Truth is no amount of money or comfort can fill the void left by my Dad.
Sometimes I hurt so much without any effort tears flow. I can’t help it and frankly I don’t care what others think. It is easy to pass judgement and to offer advice when others have no clue as to what you might be feeling. My father died 17 months and one week ago but it feels like yesterday when my world fell apart.
I am working and doing all the practical things yet I feel I am barely surviving. Looking at a breathtaking scenary on the cruise to Alaska reminded me of the missed opportunity. I could have and should have taken my Dad on a holiday like this when he was fit and healthy. The guilt and regret I must live with.
I shared the happiest moments of my life with my Dad. I often wonder will I ever feel pure joy and happiness. Will I ever be free from the profound sadness which has been my constant companion for the last 17 months?
I tell myself I am God’s child too and I deserve to be happy but the person who gave me life has gone and with him the light inside me has gone out. Despite all this I live in hope that one day my soul will sing and dance again. This may take many years. I just can’t make an educated guess for this thing called grief.