This is my last post on lesson learned from my dad which are his gift to me. I am my father’s Gift.  I say this with #humilty.

I dedicated each day this month to recount some of the lessons I’ve learned from my dad.

While I’ve been reflecting on lessons learned I can’t help but also reflect on what I’ve accomplished through the last decade.  Someone once said #grief will either break you or make you. I realised how painful and powerful grief can be, and I embraced my grief.

If my father was writing about me he would say I’ve come a long way.

As the famous song goes he’s the power behind my wings.

My Dad was my emotional why for my London marathon in 2018. I got a tattoo on father’s day. I experimented and discovered coaching. I completed the ILM 7 accreditation to coach  and mentor senior professionals.

I discovered I could write so I  wrote blogs to make sense of my pain and this became a book.

I lost my fear of failure through grief and learnt to pivot to find my new purpose. When I was a child my dad introduced me to our first German shepherd dog called Asha. Most of my adult like this was a memory sat in my  psyche hardly referred to but when lockdown came my German Shepherd pup Oscar, and I found each other, as if to complete the circle of life, or join the dots. What my dad started continues.

To live on purpose we need a strong emotional why. For me my path is clear, in all that I do and wish to become I want to make my dad even more proud of me. I want to be the daughter he so deserves.

Today is exactly ten years to the day of my father’s death. He remains in my heart. His absence is chiselled in my soul but I’ve grown around it to keep doing my dharma.

Thanks to everyone who has followed my reflections here I genuinely appreciate you. Thank you for your comments and likes. I also want to thank those who shared their feelings about my dad, and theirs too. It’s funny but when we bare our soul and show our vulnerability indirectly,  others find the power to share their truth.

Thank you.

Sine die. My dad and I used to say this a lot as the story never ends and as the great T.S. Elliot said ” We shall not cease from exploration. And the end off all our journey will be to arrive where we started. And know the place for the first time”.

#lessonslearned
#mydad
#lifepurpose
#leadershiplessons

When my mother left, I was five years old. My father could have abdicated his responsibilities, but he did not, instead, he sacrificed his whole life for the sake of his children. He never remarried instead he devoted his life to being a single dad.

This episode in our lives was painful, but it demonstrated his leadership through his actions. Since my dad’s death, I have become used to making big decisions which others would normally make with other family members, in my case that is not possible. Knowing that I have learnt to be decisive, and I have learnt not to shy away from making tough decisions because life often throws curve balls, our strength is in how we deal with it. Also, it is never up to others, it is always our responsibility.

If this resonates please feel free to share.

Thanks for reading these lessons learned from my dad.

DMP

My Dad taught me the #artofliving through his courage and humility. And it’s a #masterpiece. I am so proud of his legacy which is #priceless beyond #words. He ran the #race of life, alone when he found himself at the age of 51 having to run his #businesses, not one but three, raise his #kids, and do his #communityimpact work. He fought the fight with #determination and #tenacity never once seeing himself as a victim, he fought the fight of #life, and #won. I was able to witness how he kept rising to different #challenges that came his way, and yet despite this he was able to make an #impact on so many that crossed his path. For me, my dad is my #hero, and thanks to him, I have learnt from him the #artofliving life on my terms.

My dad once said we must be as fluid as water, we weave in and out to adjust accordingly without getting dirt on our clothes. Each situation which tests us is an opportunity to #grow, to #learn, and to be our best selves. If we resist, it will come anyway, but we will be weakened if we do not believe we can rise, and #rise we must.

If you like this resonates, and you feel it may help others please feel free to share. Thank you for reading lessons learned from my dad.

DMP

Usually,  the first man a daughter feels safe with is her father. My dad always gave me a sense of security and self-worth. At the time I didn’t appreciate how important this was, and what this meant to me. Nor did I understand then that he was the only one who would break my fall. He had my back and he was always there for me.

The safe space is where I could be myself without feeling any judgement. My dad often understood my inner thoughts without words.

I’ve learnt to use this gift from my dad which I often took for grant into my coaching work.

I’ve learnt the art of active listening without judgement,  and I provide my clients a safe reflective space where they can be themselves.

Feeling safe is critical for our emotional and mental well-being. Equally,  is the sense that we are being held and supported in an empowering way.

Nobody can fill my father’s presence in my world but I know I’m extremely blessed to have had a protective, towering and caring dad who was my sanctuary and home.

Thank you for reading my reflections. If this resonates please feel free to share.

DMP

After my dad passed I lost his comforting presence and I lost the ability to put my head on his shoulder but, I learnt to #believe in me.

We often doubt our abilities especially when we are on a new path. In moments when we doubt ourselves it helps to remember the many hurdles we’ve overcome to get to where we are. That is evidence of our #resilience and we can tap into that reservoir to hang in until we find our way forward.

#Self #belief is the key to our happiness.

If this resonates or you think it might help someone feel free to share.

#Respect

DMP

I’m not as magnanimous as my dad but I’m learning his way of acceptance.

I witnessed instances of betrayal and breach of trust with far reaching consequences but my dad was always the bigger man.

I learnt from dad to switch the channel so when we suffer a blow, we acknowledge it and deal with it politely then move forward.

You may have heard of the story of the five balls. These are named- work  family,  health, friends and integrity. Imagine juggling these in the air. The four balls- family   health, friends and integrity are made of glass. If we drop one of these they will be irrevocably damaged or even broken. They will never be the same. We must understand what is important and where not to waste our energy, and forgiveness is one way to bring balance in our life as we refuse to let the hurt control us.

We sow what we reap is a well known saying. Who are we to judge others let their actions speak for themselves and besides we all get our comeuppance in the end.

Forgiveness takes skill and a big heart. There are two types of people in this world one type that gives us warmth like the radiator, and another that tries to zap out our energy.

My Dad had this amazing ability of showing magnanimity even if the other party was totally undeserving.

Disappointments are part of life often we naively trust. The best tonic for a situation like that is damage limitation, and let them lose us from their world.

If you like this post please feel free to share and repost. Thank you.

DMP

He loved to get up early to do his meditation and yoga before he would make our morning tea.  Dad was always conscious of his health. He ate food in moderation and was always slim built and whenever we walked together, I was always having to catch up with him. He would say brisk walking is the best. I firmly believe it  was his discipline that kept him in good stead for he never took any medicine, not even after he was diagnosed with prostate cancer.

He gave up smoking one day after someone made a comment and he never smoked again. He maintained a good health but despite that and probably due to life stressors, he had a severe heart attack at the age of 76, that is when he was forced to retire from his business.  I recall my dad telling me how after his colossal heart attack when he nearly died, the doctor told him not to wrap himself in cotton wool ever since, walking became a religion to him come rain or shine he would go for his walk.

Yoga and pranayama (deep breathing exercises) were very important to him so much so that we went to a yoga camp in Bolton. We would set off at 3.30am to drive there and the camp would begin around 5am. We did this for a whole week but after that I gave up, but he didn’t.

He was around 80 when we moved into our new build Town House, and I recall after our shopping my father would climb the stairs like a young man and I would be far behind him such was his energy.

My dad had a minor stroke and became wheelchair bound that made him very frustrated, he lost the use of one arm, but he was determined to walk around the block even if it took him a whole hour to do a walk which he previously did in 10 minutes. He was a very determined man, and stubborn sometimes, now I know where I get these traits from!

On My dad’s 95^th birthday I got him 95 gifts of which he got a mobility scooter. I remember one day I came home, and I could not see his wheelchair and realised the scooter was not in the garage either. My heart sank only to then see my father come into our drive looking like a boy racer with sunglasses on and wearing his slippers while riding his mobility scooter, he looked at me and complained the scooter was too slow.  I will end on this funny note.

If this post makes you smile, please like, repost, and share with your thoughts. Thank you.

© DMP

Now, before I go further it might help if I set the scene on the man himself.

My Dad came to England age 38 from India to study medicine and he was an economic migrant. He came because he had a wife, a mother and four children in India to support.

My Dad was a businessman through out his life with probably two brief stints of paid employment which he didn’t enjoy.

When I qualified as a Solicitor he wanted so much for me to have my own law practice. I went for the easy option but I see his point now.

My dad always reminded me to take risks,  to be bold, and to stretch outside my comfort zone. That was his modus operandi,  fear never held him back.

When we bought our current home it was in my opinion outside our budget but in my dad’s view it wasn’t. He would say to build equity you must borrow,  and if you borrow you’ll will work hard to pay it back quickly, and be more focused. He was right.

When my mother walked out my dad was only 51. He ran his businesses, raised five children and still had time to help set up the first ever Hindu Temple in the UK,  in our great city of Leeds. I forgot to add he also had time for our first German shepherd dog, Asha. Where he got the energy and power from I don’t know but he always had absolute belief in himself.

After he retired age 85, he and I visited a few care homes in Leicester. Why ? Because he wanted us to buy a care home. I smile as I write this. We visited around 10 such homes on the pretence I was looking for a home for my dad, little did they know, we, the formidable father and daughter,  were actually on a fact finding mission. The care home project did not materialise in his life but he’s sown a seed and I have that dream in my heart to accomplish.

I could relay many stories from his life but his lesson to me to be bold, take risks and stretch the boundaries now make total sense.

After I lost my dad I lost my fear and I began to take risks whereas before I was too cautious and what I considered to be unreasonable risks were shrouded by my fears of what if I fail.

To conclude, my dad would say life is too short to live in the mediocre lane. Be bold, take reasonable risks and stretch the boundaries from impossible to possible.

Thank you for reading this post. If it resonates please like it, and repost it with your thoughts. Together we can raise our awareness and grow.

© DMP

If you have read some of my blogs, you will know my journey of writing started following the death of my dad when I found myself pouring my heart out to work through my broken heart.  You see my dad and me are very close. Note the use of the word are as opposed to ‘were’ very close.  Dad passed away from the physical world, but I am living proof of his existence. I see constant reminders of him, and I am glad that even after almost 8 years we are still together.

On a Sunday morning I take us, my German Shepherd puppy, Oscar and I to the Yorkshire German Shepherd training centre for obedience classes. It was bitter cold this morning and someone there said they had read on their face book page that my father brought our first dog, Asha, to the same centre in 1968.  This story came about while I was talking to my sister who told me she went with Dad to the same training centre. I was amazed as I was unaware of this synchronicity.  I relayed this story to the centre as I thought it would be a good reminder to their army of dog trainers who, incidentally, are all volunteers, coming out in all weathers to help novice dog owners like me to create a beautiful bond with their German Shepherd. This news then got put on their face book page and as I heard the gentleman tell me this morning about how reading this story made him happy I thought blimey, my father is everywhere I go, and I seem to have come full circle. I am doing what he did, and he and I had never talked about this at all.  His eagerness to learn and do better is something I seem to have inherited; I am grateful for that gene.

So, as I left the training class I found myself walking out for the first time with new found confidence, the lead was slack and Oscar, my gorgeous puppy who looks like a grown up dog now, seemed relaxed too. Whereas when we walked to the class, I was desperately trying hard to hold on to him as he was excited seeing other dogs around him.  If you can imagine, a dog pulling it’s ‘handler’ it was like that! My tense energy went through the lead to Oscar and in return those few yards were like a massive challenge. In the class the trainer patiently emphasised that my role as the handler was to make the dog see me as his fun buddy, someone he wants to be with.  Using my voice and gestures my dog understands what I need of him.  I remember growing up my father was teaching me the art of public speaking and he once said the speaker has to be very animated, relaxed and engaging to hold the attention of his audience, basically he or she must be an actor, in the art of communication and engagement. Yep, same method with my dog, I have to be wildly animated to grab his attention and to make our being together super fun for us both.   Time and again I find the connection between the many life lessons my father gave me and the way he led his life coincide with the way I live my life. It is amazing and it is synchronicity in motion, or life going in full circle and my father walking by my side as I navigate life now. Wow.

Yesterday, I received my long-awaited London Marathon medal, I did the run on 3rd October but there was a delay in the post in the medal coming home.  I shared a picture of the medal with my supporters, and one asked how many marathons I had under my belt, I replied 5. The running came about because I needed some focus after losing dad, I had never dreamt nor was it in my wildest imagination that I was capable of running let alone achieving 5 marathon medals.  Again, this is connected to my dad and me. Another wow!

The day before yesterday, I had the pleasure of having afternoon tea with the Lord Mayor of Leeds, courtesy of my marvellous friend Val who was being honoured for her contribution to our great city of Leeds, in her role as CEO of Carers Leeds where I am Trustee. Sat in the beautiful surroundings of the Civic Hall, the Lord Mayor asked if I had been to the Civic Hall before, I replied yes, a few times, but my most memorable time was when my father, in his capacity as President of the Hindu Temple held a reception for the Indian High Commissioner and my dad insisted I wore a sari as it was after all a lavish gathering, I found myself running down the stairs struggling in the sari, to get an autograph from Sir Keith Joseph, the then Education Minster and Sir Denis Healy, who was in the shadow cabinet. Both were eminent politicians, and like my dad I am interested in politics. The Lord Mayor said, wow, and asked if I was proud of my dad, of course, I said yes. Beautiful how this conversation came about while I was privileged  to attend an intimate gathering and presentation to honour my friend who received the Leeds Award. Her name is on the hall of fame in Leeds Civic Hall. And another wow for me.

Last night I dreamt I was introducing my family to a friend, the final person I introduced was my mother.  I told my friend we were getting to know each other!  Those who know me know I don’t talk about having a mother because, she left my life when I was five years old and it was my father who played the role of mum, dad and much more. By even referring to this dream and the lady who gave birth to me, I realise perhaps I am mellowing with age and or, there is an emotional shift. As I wait for judgement day with me being in the queue and ready to go after dad, I feel a need to mend fences and build bridges so that when I take leave of this bodily world I do so with maximum peace. I cannot rationalise why she came in my dream or why I vividly remember this dream encounter, but I sense a desire to forgive and be kinder. Wow, that I am even mentioning this here.

As I approach December and Christmas, my heart knows it is 8 years since my dad died, but I have survived, and he is still a huge part of my being, it does not feel like we have been apart for 8 years, oh no, he is in me driving me to find the will to live with a sense of purpose and perhaps some joy. This anniversary I am not facing it alone, my lovely dog, Oscar is with me. He is so perfect I look at him and think surely, he is a gift from God and most definitely, my father had a hand in Oscar coming home to me. This four-legged friend of mine with whom there is communication without words, is here to help my heart heal. The culmination of 8 years of walking through what was the valley of grief to what is now, the mountain of hope is my emotional shift. I say thanks to my many supporters, friends and family, who have encouraged me along the way as I ‘walked’.

So, I will end with the words I started with in this post…Do you ever feel wow, isn’t that amazing, and now I want to hang on to these many wow moments to help me till the end of my days.   I am truly thankful to God and his universe for giving me this experience.

If anything here resonates with you or you feel lost, I survived and found some of me and so will you my friend, life teaches us and we just need to open and trust that all will work out somehow. There will be many wow moments and people in your life also.  Wrap these memories in a beautiful cloth and put them in the corner of your heart. When life feels trying feel these treasures and you will find the strength you need to keep moving forward.

Peace be with you.

©DMP

21st November 2021

Time slips by and time goes on
But in my head you’ve never gone

What you meant to me only you and I know
The scale of my loss only you and I know

The day you died a part of me died too
Yet I appear intact but inside I bleed

Alone I stand to weather the storm called life
Your protection I had all my life I took for granted

6 months in two days and my still heart aches
I won’t say I miss you as it’s a part of me I’ve lost for good

My dear Bapa I wish I was with you wherever you are
But you are free and I have this ‘life’ to live only God knows why

6 months & the tears in my eyes I can wipe away
The constant ache in my heart will always stay

© Copyright 2014 DMP