It is nine months and I have begun to realise my Papa has not left me at all. He is with me. Every step I take, in my highs and lows we are still together.

Until my father died I was oblivious to the impact his physical absence would have on me. In the early days the rawness of my pain sent me in denial. Every single cell of my being was shaken to the core. I had to reinvent my relationship with him. Am I still his daughter or was I his daughter? Is he my Dad or was he my Dad?

The truth is I cannot bear to live this life of mine without him in the frame. I am because of him. Period.

If I hear comments like you need to move on I freeze. How and why are you meant to move on? What I have learnt is I will learn to adjust and adapt to life without his physical presence but I have a built in strength that keeps me going. My Dad is with me. When I am driving he is sat next to me only I don’t see but I feel his presence. When have some important news to share he is aware. Even God knows it would be a disaster to separate us.

I think we are introduced to God, the creator, the universe through our parent’s unconditional love. If the soul is eternal then it follows our relationship does not die with the death of a human being. If we accept that there is such a thing as unconditional love which we cannot see or touch then it follows that love exists in the universe. Love does not die with the death of a human being.

My conclusion therefore is that in life and death my Papa and I are together. Knowing this I have the capacity to keep going.

Peace be with you.