I am writing this post from my book website. It all feels rather surreal, how did I move from being a grieving daughter to an author? I suppose when we are cracked open we have a stark choice, either we sink or swim. Being my father’s daughter my choice was clear.  

This December 30th will mark 7 years to the day my father passed.  When I saw my book on Amazon I was thinking gosh, what would my father make of this? My answer is below..

The blogs are now in one book which I hope is easy on the eye and on the soul. I know grief can be terribly exhausting. A friend of mine who is in the midst of her journey and asked if I could make my book available as an audio book, I said, I will surely do my best.

When the idea of putting my blogs, all 50 of them came early this year, I did not know what I was getting into.  It has been an emotional journey but I was supported by my fantastic publisher and her team at 2QT Publishing in North Yorkshire.  Having to read through my writing and revisit the early days of my journey I felt humble and blessed.   Fast forward the book is now on Amazon.  If it is of interest it can be bought in paperback and e-book format.   The link is below or it can be bought using the Buy Now tab on this website. 

Amazon.co.uk : my dad and me a journey of love, loss and life

I have to say something about the book cover which is displayed on this website.  Nothing about this project is off the shelf I am proud to say.  The book cover shows my hand being held by my father.  This was hand drawn by my very good friend, Gerry Andrews. He is an amazing and creative soul.  I had seen his paintings which is his hobby so I decided to commission him.   The painting is based on a photograph I took in the last days, knowing that I was losing him but how wrong was I! Seven years on, I feel my father is more closer to me than before.  My friend captured something so personal and so beautiful in his painting that it had be centre stage of the cover. He also designed the entire cover with a backdrop of mountains charting my long journey.  What this cover does is to beautiful wrap around the writing in a cosy, comfort like fleece orange blanket to keep it warm.  

This year has been so challenging for many of us that it felt right for me to want to put the book out there in the hope that it could reach out to those in the midst of their Mount Everest.  In 2014 I did not think I would survive, but I did and while it was in the main a solitary journey I was blessed to have many angels who helped me keep going to this point.  

This book is not about death but it is about love and life.  We see grief as a linear process but it is not. It is not until we find ourselves there do we learn grief is much more than loss, it is about living with love and for love.

Talking to one of my father’s close friend yesterday, we concluded if the soul is eternal then it is possible for the soul to be in two places at once. I know I have no scientific proof for this but it is based on how we feel.

Coming back to the question I asked myself above, what would my father make of this book, I have the answer. When I saw the book on Amazon, this was on Thursday last week, my immediate reaction was OMG both my father and I are on Amazon, not strictly correct, but the author is Daxa which is me and my middle name is my father’s name Manhar, so technically we are both ‘on’ Amazon. My second thought was my father will not get to see this moment.  I know there are lots of people who write books, so what is special about my book, nothing, other than I never thought my personal experience of my life after Dad would be in a book and I never saw myself as a writer either. 

On Saturday, I went for a run to clear my head. After my run I felt so tired as though I had run a marathon so I fell asleep in daytime on the sofa which is so unlike me.  That day my father came in my dream and he was there when I was unwrapping the book, he got up from the sofa and came towards me looking happy. When I woke up, I thought, yep, he knows everything. He can be in astral universe and with me at the same time. 

So,  to anyone out there is is in the midst of their journey, unsure if they will make it to the next year, the next month or indeed the next day, take it from someone who could not see beyond a day, YOU WILL. And you will not be alone in your journey either, your loved one whom you miss so much is with you and so are many angels around you. You will notice them when you are ready just take it one step at a time and keep going..

Peace be with you.


16th December 2020