Suddenly I felt no longer sad or emotional. There was a sense of it feels right to give this a new loving home.  I messaged a family friend who is a musician and told him would he like to have it? He immediately replied in the affirmative. My dad and I never did anything by halves. I knew when he got the harmonium despatched from India for me he also ordered a book on how to learn to play this instrument. The little booklet was somewhere in the book shelf so I searched for it and also gave that away.

Those of us who have experienced the loss of someone we deeply love have often heard unhelpful comments. In particular words like move forward, let go, and or it is time to move on et cetera really are insensitive and disempowering.  In grief,  each one of us will let go if we wish and when we wish. I feel for those who are forced to make decisions to part with sentimental items in their world which connects them to their lost loved one when they are least able to make that choice. Grief has no prescribed time line we will walk the journey at our own pace and in our own unique way.

My dad was always very thoughtful and though I could not fulfil his wish of learning to play a musical instrument I know he will be happy that this harmonium like our previous one has been given to a good soul who will enjoy playing it. I also know many who will listen to the music will find it therapeutic too.

And so this journey continues each time we part with something it leaves a mark on our soul, hopefully, the mark will be a sense of yes, it feels right.  I celebrate the love I have for my father and the love I know I still have from him. He remains the most treasured gift God gave me.

If you are reading this and this resonates I hope it gives you hope. Thank you for reading this.

Peace be with you.

©DMP

8th May 2024

Usually,  the first man a daughter feels safe with is her father. My dad always gave me a sense of security and self-worth. At the time I didn’t appreciate how important this was, and what this meant to me. Nor did I understand then that he was the only one who would break my fall. He had my back and he was always there for me.

The safe space is where I could be myself without feeling any judgement. My dad often understood my inner thoughts without words.

I’ve learnt to use this gift from my dad which I often took for grant into my coaching work.

I’ve learnt the art of active listening without judgement,  and I provide my clients a safe reflective space where they can be themselves.

Feeling safe is critical for our emotional and mental well-being. Equally,  is the sense that we are being held and supported in an empowering way.

Nobody can fill my father’s presence in my world but I know I’m extremely blessed to have had a protective, towering and caring dad who was my sanctuary and home.

Thank you for reading my reflections. If this resonates please feel free to share.

DMP

Daxa Patel – My Dad and Me

In 73 days, I will reach the tenth anniversary of my father’s passing, yes, his death. It is still hard to acknowledge his death.

What have I learnt in these intervening years?

A great deal about myself and about us, and about the kindness from people I least expected.

These are my learning  points from this journey.

1. The loss of my father is my loss and mine alone.
2. This is personal not a family thing.
3. My father had other children, but he was my father only.
4. It may be almost ten years but sometimes it feels like no time has passed at all.
5. Grief breaks us open, and we can never be the person we once were.
6. It is an awakening of the soul, and we feel almost like we have nothing more to lose as nothing can hurt as much.
7. Our scar is evidence of our love.
8. We learn who really is in our corner.
9. Grief in time becomes a friendly companion.
10. I love my dad more than I thought I did.

Those who have had the privilege to walk this journey may relate to this along with those who love deeply.

I find there once was a sliding glass door that I could not walk through or so I thought, it is not there anymore. I have access to the deeper meaning of life; this is a gift I am grateful for.

If this is, you at the start of your journey don’t give up on you as this sacred journey will redefine you. If you are like me a seasoned traveller, you know what I mean.

©DMP

18th October 2023