This is my last post on lesson learned from my dad which are his gift to me. I am my father’s Gift.  I say this with #humilty.

I dedicated each day this month to recount some of the lessons I’ve learned from my dad.

While I’ve been reflecting on lessons learned I can’t help but also reflect on what I’ve accomplished through the last decade.  Someone once said #grief will either break you or make you. I realised how painful and powerful grief can be, and I embraced my grief.

If my father was writing about me he would say I’ve come a long way.

As the famous song goes he’s the power behind my wings.

My Dad was my emotional why for my London marathon in 2018. I got a tattoo on father’s day. I experimented and discovered coaching. I completed the ILM 7 accreditation to coach  and mentor senior professionals.

I discovered I could write so I  wrote blogs to make sense of my pain and this became a book.

I lost my fear of failure through grief and learnt to pivot to find my new purpose. When I was a child my dad introduced me to our first German shepherd dog called Asha. Most of my adult like this was a memory sat in my  psyche hardly referred to but when lockdown came my German Shepherd pup Oscar, and I found each other, as if to complete the circle of life, or join the dots. What my dad started continues.

To live on purpose we need a strong emotional why. For me my path is clear, in all that I do and wish to become I want to make my dad even more proud of me. I want to be the daughter he so deserves.

Today is exactly ten years to the day of my father’s death. He remains in my heart. His absence is chiselled in my soul but I’ve grown around it to keep doing my dharma.

Thanks to everyone who has followed my reflections here I genuinely appreciate you. Thank you for your comments and likes. I also want to thank those who shared their feelings about my dad, and theirs too. It’s funny but when we bare our soul and show our vulnerability indirectly,  others find the power to share their truth.

Thank you.

Sine die. My dad and I used to say this a lot as the story never ends and as the great T.S. Elliot said ” We shall not cease from exploration. And the end off all our journey will be to arrive where we started. And know the place for the first time”.

#lessonslearned
#mydad
#lifepurpose
#leadershiplessons

Today, I am very pleased, and honoured to share a letter I received from a close family friend Narahari Joshi who kindly shared his memories of my dad. My dad’s name is Manhar, and I am deeply touched and humbled to read these beautiful words about my dad. It means a lot to me to know I am not the sole beneficiary of my father’s wisdom.

The letter from Narhari Joshi.

In the heart of our community work in Leeds, there’s a really wise person named Manhar Bhai. On this 30th December, it will be 10 years since he left us behind, we all miss him but at the same time, we all have had a share of his wisdom which he always parted without any selfish motives. He’s been like a guide, an older friend, and a source of inspiration for all of us. Today, as we celebrate the 10th anniversary since he said goodbye to all of us, we’re not just marking the time that’s passed, but we’re thinking about the valuable things he has taught us. Manhar Bhai has shared a lot of his experience and knowledge with us, and it’s been like a map helping us find our way in our community projects, especially getting our community united. When some of us started managing a prominent charitable trust within our community in Leeds, he told us that the real drive for community work should come from deep inside us. He warned us that not everyone will appreciate what we do, some might criticise us, and many will just go along with whatever is happening. But he said, we shouldn’t let the criticism get us down or the praise get us too excited. Instead, he encouraged us to stick to what motivates us from within. One thing that stuck with us is his advice on trusting our gut feelings, and this came from his experiences working with the Hindu community in Leeds. He had been through a lot, and his words were like a guidebook for us in dealing with challenges and making decisions. Manhar Bhai isn’t just a mentor; he’s like a father figure to all of us here. His kindness, patience, and constant support created a bond that goes beyond just being friends. In tough times, he was always there, reminding us that building a community is about sharing experiences and growing together. So, as we gather to celebrate Manhar Bhai’s life and contributions to our community in Leeds, let’s not just think about the time that’s gone by, but let’s be grateful for the important lessons he has given us. In his teachings, we find the simple secrets to building a strong community—being true to ourselves, staying strong, and caring about everyone’s well-being. Manhar Bhai’s legacy is not just about the years he’s lived but about the lasting inspiration he has left for all of us. Narahari JOSHI – Have known Manhar Bhai since 2003, and have missed him over the past 10 years.

He introduced me to many books such as the book by Norman Vincent Peale, the Power of Positive Thinking and Dale Carnegie’s book How to win friends and influence people.  He bought me to Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl which opened my eyes to power of the mind.

Dad would say the only way to improve our mind was through reading and through quiet observation of the world around us. He would put his comments in pencil in the books he read, and to this day, I still find books with his commentary inside.

I don’t know when this happened but his insatiable appetite for reading and writing is his gift to me.  As a child he encouraged me to join the library and we would often read the same book and discuss, sometimes late into the night.

My dad loved learning, though nowadays we rely on online search engines, our home is full of dictionaries. Dad used to look up the spelling, remember those days? He loved words and their intricate meaning. His command of the language was powerful, and he made me fall in love with Gujarati literature which is quite strange considering I learnt this language age 10.

I thought I was the only one who kept journals but after my dad died, I found some of his notebooks where he had written inspirational quotes with his commentary next to it.  He was always trying to improve himself, he would often ask me to check his English.

My dad loved literature, and he would sometimes order tea chests from India full of books, especially the Bhagvad Gita to giveaway. He used to teach the Bhagvad Gita, and he had a beautiful way of making old scriptures relatable in the modern context. Pretty impressive for a person who left school age 14.

He was the kind of man who read Thomas Hardy’s The Mayor of Casterbridge or George Orwell’s The Animal Farm, and read the Upanishads which are the ancient Hindu scriptures.

He had a lifetime subscriptions of magazines on philosophy and life, which I receive to this day.

Reading and learning is the food for the soul and the mind. We never know enough and there is always a better way to approach life was his lesson to me.

I hope this resonates, please like, repost and share with your thoughts if you wish. Thank you for being a part of my journey as I pay homage to this man I am proud to call my father.

© DMP

He taught me to understand the economy and human psychology.

My father lost his dad when he was only 4 years old, and he and his two sisters grew up in relative poverty. However, my Grandma was a proud lady she worked at home, and rolled the Indian cigarettes to make enough money to buy vegetables to feed her children. My Grandfather did leave a home of their own. My dad left school at the age of 14, one of his greatest regrets was that he did not have an education. I suppose that made him even more determined to be self taught, and he also had this hunger for knowledge. In our home BBC world service was always on throughout the night, and we got the FT.

Those who met him will say he was like a living encyclopaedia. I digress a little but due to the poverty in his childhood my father knew the importance of money. Without money he would say we cannot help others.

He learnt to read the markets at a very young age, and dabbled in the share market. It was from him I became addicted to checking the FTSE index. I learnt from him the value of money and the power of saving. He was far better than I, something I deeply admire about him. When I found myself dealing with the probate after his death I discovered the many carefully chosen investments he had. His sharp mind meant though he left school without much education he was financially very savvy. I learnt from him how to live within my means, give and save.

On the subject of understanding human psychology dad used to say we buy from people we like. It is futile to expect others to understand us, we must strive to understand them, and their wants. He was a charismatic person, growing up I was so used to our home being full of trustees attending meeting in our home about the Temple, or a committee of a bank discussing matters late into the night. He also had the knack of being able to connect with people from all ages and backgrounds. He would literally hold court, and others would be mesmerised listening to him. He knew how to inspire, and how to influence without effort. I remember the many occasions where he would give a speech to a large audience without notes whereas, with me being a trained lawyer I would find these experiences somewhat challenging. He was a confident man but he made other people in his company at ease.

As I write this I am beginning to realise I grew up with an artist who was a class act. By the way, my dad had very long hands, and fingers, and yes, he was also an artist. If we fail to understand others we cannot evolve into better beings.

Does this resonate with you? If yes, please check my previous posts, repost, like and share.

©DMP

If you have read some of my blogs, you will know my journey of writing started following the death of my dad when I found myself pouring my heart out to work through my broken heart.  You see my dad and me are very close. Note the use of the word are as opposed to ‘were’ very close.  Dad passed away from the physical world, but I am living proof of his existence. I see constant reminders of him, and I am glad that even after almost 8 years we are still together.

On a Sunday morning I take us, my German Shepherd puppy, Oscar and I to the Yorkshire German Shepherd training centre for obedience classes. It was bitter cold this morning and someone there said they had read on their face book page that my father brought our first dog, Asha, to the same centre in 1968.  This story came about while I was talking to my sister who told me she went with Dad to the same training centre. I was amazed as I was unaware of this synchronicity.  I relayed this story to the centre as I thought it would be a good reminder to their army of dog trainers who, incidentally, are all volunteers, coming out in all weathers to help novice dog owners like me to create a beautiful bond with their German Shepherd. This news then got put on their face book page and as I heard the gentleman tell me this morning about how reading this story made him happy I thought blimey, my father is everywhere I go, and I seem to have come full circle. I am doing what he did, and he and I had never talked about this at all.  His eagerness to learn and do better is something I seem to have inherited; I am grateful for that gene.

So, as I left the training class I found myself walking out for the first time with new found confidence, the lead was slack and Oscar, my gorgeous puppy who looks like a grown up dog now, seemed relaxed too. Whereas when we walked to the class, I was desperately trying hard to hold on to him as he was excited seeing other dogs around him.  If you can imagine, a dog pulling it’s ‘handler’ it was like that! My tense energy went through the lead to Oscar and in return those few yards were like a massive challenge. In the class the trainer patiently emphasised that my role as the handler was to make the dog see me as his fun buddy, someone he wants to be with.  Using my voice and gestures my dog understands what I need of him.  I remember growing up my father was teaching me the art of public speaking and he once said the speaker has to be very animated, relaxed and engaging to hold the attention of his audience, basically he or she must be an actor, in the art of communication and engagement. Yep, same method with my dog, I have to be wildly animated to grab his attention and to make our being together super fun for us both.   Time and again I find the connection between the many life lessons my father gave me and the way he led his life coincide with the way I live my life. It is amazing and it is synchronicity in motion, or life going in full circle and my father walking by my side as I navigate life now. Wow.

Yesterday, I received my long-awaited London Marathon medal, I did the run on 3rd October but there was a delay in the post in the medal coming home.  I shared a picture of the medal with my supporters, and one asked how many marathons I had under my belt, I replied 5. The running came about because I needed some focus after losing dad, I had never dreamt nor was it in my wildest imagination that I was capable of running let alone achieving 5 marathon medals.  Again, this is connected to my dad and me. Another wow!

The day before yesterday, I had the pleasure of having afternoon tea with the Lord Mayor of Leeds, courtesy of my marvellous friend Val who was being honoured for her contribution to our great city of Leeds, in her role as CEO of Carers Leeds where I am Trustee. Sat in the beautiful surroundings of the Civic Hall, the Lord Mayor asked if I had been to the Civic Hall before, I replied yes, a few times, but my most memorable time was when my father, in his capacity as President of the Hindu Temple held a reception for the Indian High Commissioner and my dad insisted I wore a sari as it was after all a lavish gathering, I found myself running down the stairs struggling in the sari, to get an autograph from Sir Keith Joseph, the then Education Minster and Sir Denis Healy, who was in the shadow cabinet. Both were eminent politicians, and like my dad I am interested in politics. The Lord Mayor said, wow, and asked if I was proud of my dad, of course, I said yes. Beautiful how this conversation came about while I was privileged  to attend an intimate gathering and presentation to honour my friend who received the Leeds Award. Her name is on the hall of fame in Leeds Civic Hall. And another wow for me.

Last night I dreamt I was introducing my family to a friend, the final person I introduced was my mother.  I told my friend we were getting to know each other!  Those who know me know I don’t talk about having a mother because, she left my life when I was five years old and it was my father who played the role of mum, dad and much more. By even referring to this dream and the lady who gave birth to me, I realise perhaps I am mellowing with age and or, there is an emotional shift. As I wait for judgement day with me being in the queue and ready to go after dad, I feel a need to mend fences and build bridges so that when I take leave of this bodily world I do so with maximum peace. I cannot rationalise why she came in my dream or why I vividly remember this dream encounter, but I sense a desire to forgive and be kinder. Wow, that I am even mentioning this here.

As I approach December and Christmas, my heart knows it is 8 years since my dad died, but I have survived, and he is still a huge part of my being, it does not feel like we have been apart for 8 years, oh no, he is in me driving me to find the will to live with a sense of purpose and perhaps some joy. This anniversary I am not facing it alone, my lovely dog, Oscar is with me. He is so perfect I look at him and think surely, he is a gift from God and most definitely, my father had a hand in Oscar coming home to me. This four-legged friend of mine with whom there is communication without words, is here to help my heart heal. The culmination of 8 years of walking through what was the valley of grief to what is now, the mountain of hope is my emotional shift. I say thanks to my many supporters, friends and family, who have encouraged me along the way as I ‘walked’.

So, I will end with the words I started with in this post…Do you ever feel wow, isn’t that amazing, and now I want to hang on to these many wow moments to help me till the end of my days.   I am truly thankful to God and his universe for giving me this experience.

If anything here resonates with you or you feel lost, I survived and found some of me and so will you my friend, life teaches us and we just need to open and trust that all will work out somehow. There will be many wow moments and people in your life also.  Wrap these memories in a beautiful cloth and put them in the corner of your heart. When life feels trying feel these treasures and you will find the strength you need to keep moving forward.

Peace be with you.

©DMP

21st November 2021