As I make sense of the pain of separation caused by my father’s death I cannot be but surprised by how blessed I feel to have had such a magnificent relationship with my parent.
Grief is and can be a healthy ‘normal’ response to the death of someone you love and in my case someone significant whom I loved and admired the most. It is okay to feel sad just as it is okay to feel peace when you recall happy memories.
Fourteen months on what has worked for me is just letting go. I went from being someone totally in control (well I wrongly presumed I had control) to being someone who had no choice but to let go. I had never experienced the waves of grief consequently I was totally unprepared for aftermath.
To put it mildly I was shocked as to how low and despondent I felt. Letting go and allowing myself to have good and not so good days meant I was accepting that what I was going through was necessary to embrace this life changing event.
Certain harsh realities came to the surface and will no doubt continue to unfold as I walk forward.
The death of my Dad means there is nobody on this planet (save for the almighty) who will love me unconditionally the way my father did. There is nobody who knows me better than my Dad. He was always my next of kin right until the end. I was the apple of his eye I won’t be that for anyone else, ever.
There is no father here who will be delighted when I am happy or when I reach my personal goals or success. I miss the unspoken words of understanding and comfort he relentlessly gave me all my life. He was always there to love me, if only I understood then what I know now.
I am not saying this to evoke sympathy or pity. It is my reality which I must come to terms with. My father means so much more to me than I ever care to appreciate while he was alive.
However, death does not end our emotional bond as I am still my father’s daughter. I am not done being his daughter. As I continue to unravel this mysterious journey mixed with pride and pain I hope I can be of support no matter how small to those facing the realities of death. Often, a griever just wants someone to listen to them without judgement, and that’s all.