Yes this month is a month of retracing our last moments together though I try not to but the last month is etched in my soul so deep that I recall exactly what Dad and I did on this day three years ago.
Today three years back this was to be our final 3 hour drive. My father passed away 10 days later. I remember he was his usual happy self despite the fact that he had a catheter bag. He loved our long drives and I loved his company.
That day it was just me and my father. Not once did he say he was tired. I wheeled him into the car and off we went for our long drive. We went to the temple and then to a nearby city. The note in my journal confirms it was great just me and my Paa the formidable duo that we were. Just the two of us it was just so perfect. If I asked my father if he was okay he would always reply ‘I am very happy’. By then he was quite frail but there was something inside him which spurred him on. Looking back I am surprised he had the stamina to get up let alone stand and sit in the wheel chair or car but he did that. He lived for me and he stretched his life longer than was practically possible just for me. Funny how we become enlightened after the event!
The timing of my father’s departure was right but I still miss him so so much. I have got my head round the fact that he is still with me in my thoughts, my mind and in my heart. I don’t feel it’s three years it just seems he is still with me. I go home to him. I still talk to him and tell him about my day about my highs and my lows. The only thing is I have to imagine his response I don’t hear his voice but I hear his thoughts and can always visualise his smile.
I still have not decided how I will mark the third anniversary of his passing but I know I will do something special. Christmas day and New years day well I can’t think that far ahead. December is not my favourite month!
Copyright. DMP 16.12.16