A universal fact of life is love and equally universal is death. Each one of us if we live long enough will experience the death of a loved one. I am a reasonably articulate and intelligent human being yet I have never experienced or indeed understood the emotional, physical, psychological impact of losing someone you love until now. I have gone through life thinking I understood the pain of those left behind but I was wrong.
Exactly 35 weeks ago 251 days to be precise my 95 year old father died very peacefully of old age and frailty even though he had cancer. My Dad would often talk about how I would feel after his death and I would reply I will be fine and that I will co op. I could not have been more wrong.,
I was the lucky one. I had a really very good relationship with my Dad. He was my best friend, teacher, mother and father all in one. Not a day or hour goes by when I don’t think of him or miss him.
The logical mind accepts that he lived a long life (or he had a good innings as many would say) but emotionally that means nothing. My father was an incredibly intelligent and witty person. He was self taught yet very well read. A living encyclopedia. I miss his physical protective towering loving presence and his brilliant mind. Each day it is like peeling an onion I peel one more layer and realise the scale and gravity of my loss.
I have always been in control of my emotions but his going floored me completely. No I am not clinically depressed what I am experiencing and going through is healthy grief. I realised around week 15 that I had to give myself permission to grieve as only I understood how lucky I had been to have had such a beautiful relationship and such an amazing father.
So why am I writing this blog? Selfishly to help me heal but also to help support those who are on the verge of going through what I have been through or those in the midst of their own personal journey of grief. I specifically wanted to support all those daughters and sons out there grieving the death of their precious father.
Grief is personal. Period. The depth of the pain is reflective of the quality of the relationship between the two people. I could not find support for daughters hence the idea of writing this. If you happen to come by this and if it helps you in your journey even in a tiny way I will be thankful. Those I expected to support me did not not but I did receive support from unexpected sources and very kind individuals. This blog is dedicated to those lovely people and to all those daughters and sons who were blessed like me to have had the gift of a wonderful father like mine. Peace be with you.
© Copyright 2014 DMP