In exactly 100 days it will be one year since my father’s death. It is said that the first year and all first events such as my birthday, Dad’s birthday, father’s day, first Diwali, first death anniversary et cetera are horrendous. It is is true. I am no expert but the way I have managed some of these events is by doing something special. Something Dad would have approved of. Someything that would make him proud of me. Something that would make him smile…
I have found 2014 hard. I have never cried so much and I’ve never hurt as much. So far I was counting the days since his death. I am turning this around. I am dreading the first death anniversary but it will still come and I will go back to square one I am sure. I have no choice but to deal with this day as best as I can.
The best tribute I can pay to this great man I call my Dad is by putting the positive aspects of his life into
mine. So I have set myself a 100 day challenge. My Dad loved walking. He would walk around 4 miles daily regardless of the weather conditions. He started walking religiously from the age of 76 straight after he had a massive heart attack until age 91. He walked briskly more than an hour daily. When on the odd weekend I joined him for a walk I always struggled to keep up with him he was that fast. My Dad lived a well balanced and disciplined life style which I admired greatly but I have begun to appreciate this more now than before.
My first 100 day challenge as a tribute to Dad is to walk daily for a minimum of 30 minutes. I started yesterday. Consistency is not my forte but this is a challenge.
My second challenge is to sit still in quiet contemplation for 20 minutes daily. I cannot sit still. My mind is always running riot. I don’t recall my Dad meditating but he did sit in stillness. He would say this brought him closer to God and closer to nature. He would say this practice renergised him to keep going and to face the challenges of life which I can say he did with a smile on his face.
The last 8 an half months have been very lonely on this grief journey. But I am pleased my nephew Shardul who lives 7,000 miles away has joined me on these two challenges. Shardul had a very special bond with my Dad and my Dad was very fond of him so I am comforted that I am not walking this grief journey totally alone.
For me if I can do these two things on daily basis for the next 100 days it will feel good.
As I end this blog I will leave you with one thought. You don’t need to look too far for inspiration. It is more closer to you than you think and if you look hard enough you will find that you inspire others.
Just before my Dad died I found this quote “O’God show me the truth about myself no matter how beautiful it is….” I cannot remember where I found it but I put this quote on an A4 sheet. I placed it on the door to my Dad’s room and it is still there.
Peace be with you.