Today has arrived. It is exactly 1,000 days since my dear father’s death. I have been thinking what to say. To be honest I doubted I would get here let alone feel the way I do at this stage. I won’t beat about the bush I feel invincible, unbeaten and stronger.
I could list the heart ache and depth of despair I went through or I could put a positive slant on an event I cannot undo.
I’ve grown and have learnt about my inner strength. When you are exhausted and have nothing left yet you dig deep to find the courage to keep going that’s when you realise there is more to you than what is obvious even to yourself.
Along the way I have met some lovely kind kindred spirits some new people have come into my life and some I thought I knew but got to appreciate them even more. They’ve helped me in ways they may not know.
I have learnt to live and nurture me my soul, body, mind and intellect.
I have appreciated things more than before and I am inspired by what I see.
The work I do as a lawyer has been a saving grace. Apart from giving structure and meaning to my working week my ‘old’ firm, my colleagues and my clients have all helped me reconnect to what I am good at. I feel honoured to have the chance to make a difference to the lives of others.
Since my dad’s death I have done many things for me which I probably may not have done like having a tattoo to mark Father’s day. Running the Great North Run my first half marathon in more than 20 years. Taking control of my health by walking and taking care of myself. Going on retreats to lift my soul. Connecting with people who inspire me.
The sense of gratitude I have is more profound I know I have been held and supported by the universe and God. Yes I believe there is higher divine source which is taking care of me.
Amidst all the positives I still do miss my Dad’s voice as well as his calming and dynamic presence yet I know he’s not left me. I feel him and know that in every breath I take he is with me willing me on to live and to smile.
Having reached the 1,000th day is like crossing the finishing line of my 10k run but I know I probably still have a full marathon to do figuratively speaking so I am not done yet but I know I can keep living and may be one day I will thrive with purpose, joy and love. One lives in hope.
What I have learnt from my father is that each day is God’s gift. Make it count and make a difference to yourself and those around you.
So my gift to my father on this 1,000th day is to say thank you dear Papa for letting me be your daughter. I want you to be happy and free. You can let me go and not worry about me. I have the tools and the confidence to move forward and you are going to be with me always.
To those sons and daughters walking this path please don’t lose faith. Like me you probably have inherited much more than just being your father’s child. I know I have inherited his indomitable spirit and like him I will smile and carry on.
A good friend referred this quote to me “I have been through the fire now I will not fade in the sun”. This encapsulates my present state of mind who knows about tomorrow!
Peace be with you.